A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
