I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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