Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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