I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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