Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
