this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
