I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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