lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
