You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
