I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
