i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
