I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
