Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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