You smell like stripper and shame
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
