I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
