If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
