I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
