Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
