Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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