you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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