We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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