are you still at the devil's house?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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