Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
