If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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