i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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