So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so much tequila, so little girl.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
