You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
