xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
