I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i came on her dog
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
