So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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