he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize