He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize