hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
