I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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