dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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