I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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