Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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