I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
