you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
