There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
