I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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