Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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