So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
