Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Randomize
