Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
