why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
