And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
