so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
