booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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