i think i have herpe
just one?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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