Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I CAN MOONWALK!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
