dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
