is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
