I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
