there's paper in my vomit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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