you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So vagazzling was a success
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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