all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
