My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
