I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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