I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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