you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
