I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
