I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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