can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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