im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize