i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
