So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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