all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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