its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
