I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
